#72. 恐怖大學室友 (2) "College Roommate Horror Story"｜英文不難

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#1
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I had two roommates that kept eating all of my food. Although classes haven't started, I had already moved into my dorm. One day, I made myself a peanut butter sandwich. I put my sandwich on the table, and ten minutes later, it was gone. My roommate ate it. About a week later, I decided to make myself another peanut butter sandwich. I opened my cupboard and saw that my roommates left an empty jar in my cupboard. I flipped out because who eats a whole jar of peanut butter, without introducing themselves? These girls would scarf down all my food, and complain if they thought anyone was touching their food. So I started buying really fattening food such as doughnuts, pies, cakes. I was trying to teach them self-restraint, but these girls would go through these boxes within two days. So I kept buying doughnuts and desserts. And then one day they started complaining about how they couldn't fit their jeans. Success. I also put laxatives in my peanut butter.

----單字----
dorm 宿舍
cupboard 櫃子
flipped out 暴怒
scarf down 狼吞虎嚥
fattening 增肥
restraint 節制
laxatives 瀉藥

#2
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My roommate freshman year got completely hammered, came back to the room around 1 in the morning, and accused me of stealing the pudding in her fridge that she *had ate* an hour before she went out. She waited until I fell asleep and then stabbed me in the arm with one of those clicky pencils…I had to go to the hospital to get it cleaned/stitched. She got kicked out.

----單字----
freshman year 大一
hammered 嚴重酒醉
accused 指控
*had ate* 其實是錯的，應該是 had eaten。你有抓到嗎？XD
stabbed 捅

#3
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I got absolutely hammered and pissed all over my roommates desk the night before the end of the year. I woke up to him hanging up his money to dry out. Years later he ended up as my boss and ended up giving me a significant promotion. I guess he doesn't hold grudges.

----單字----
pissed 尿尿
ended up 變成
significant 大、有份量的
promotion 升遷
hold a grudge 記仇

#4
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It was move out day and my roommate was working on a paper last minute. I was packing my stuff. His parents walked in and were absolutely pissed that he wasn't packed yet. They immediately started scolding him while I was still in the room, but thankfully I had a final to go to and figured I'd dodge the storm. I said my goodbyes, assuming they'd be gone by the time I got back from my two hour final and went on my way. As it happens, my final only took twenty minutes so I got back much sooner than they'd have expected. I opened the door, saw my roommate bent over his bed with his bare ass showing just as his mom wound up for a spank. I quickly closed the door and went over to a friend's dorm until I felt safe enough to return. I never brought it up to him after that.

----單字----
paper 這裡是指報告
scolding 責罵
dodge the storm 避風頭
assuming 假設、預設
bare 沒穿衣服的、光溜溜
wound up 準備做某個動作
spank 打巴掌
bring something up 提及某事
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